Man's Best Friend

I like dogs. Nothing against cats or birds or fish or your pet of choice, but I like dogs. I like dogs because they are honest- there is no guile in a dog. I like them because the are faithful and they are eternal optimists. But what I like best about dogs is that you always know where you stand with one.

I have a German shepherd mix. She is the first dog that I ever really owned. I got her from the pound, and it seems that I was destined to have her (That is another blog story). She loves me and I love her. She is always happy to see me when I get home, and her idea of contentment is lying at my feet in the evenings. What I like the best about her is that she is direct and up front with everyone. There a people that she likes, and people that she doesn’t.

Abby likes women. Any woman. It must be a girl thing. She does not like men. Except for my brother in law. She will piddle on the floor when he comes over because she is so excited to see him. I have no idea why.

She tolerates kids. If they are bigger than she is, then they are potential playmates. If they are smaller, then she thinks they are two legged puppies, and are rivals. My brother in law has a grandchild who is 6. She has a very high pitched voice, and she is a tiny girl. Abby does not tolerate her at all. My niece has never done anything to Abby, yet Abby does her best to get away from her, or else will growl at her to keep her distance.

Which brings me to the real reason for this blog. I was thinking (believe it or not) about what qualities I really like in animals and what it would be like to share those abilities. For example, it would be cool to have the hearing of a bat, and be able to hear and echo locate in the dark. It would be kind of fun to be a cheetah- 0-60 miles an hour in about four steps. Having an elephant’s trunk would be useful in so many ways I can’t begin to think of them all. Being able to climb like a monkey would be especially useful to a carpenter. And so on. But I decided that the ability I would most like to have, is to growl like a dog.

Since I deal with people constantly, a good growl would be a tremendous time saver. Abby has a growl that says, “If you do that again, I am going to bite you.” Wouldn’t that be great when someone is pissing you off? Then there is a growl when strangers pull into the driveway. It usually turns into a bark, but we know exactly what she is trying to say. Sometimes she just grumbles, when I am not feeding her quickly enough to suit her highness
She also has the Skylar growl which means “Back off kid, you are on my last nerve,” and there is the trash talk growl when we are playing tug of war with her rope.

The best part about is, that there is no way to misinterpret what she is saying.


There are some good human growls, and they usually are accompanied with biting and scratching....those are good enough for me.

Murder, He contemplated

I had no idea what I was going to write about this morning until I drove through town. I was lucky enough to have my camera with me and took the following picture….

I will write more about this later when I have had a chance to collect myself. This was as close as I have ever come to assaulting someone with a deadly weapon…my truck.

I'd Like to phone a friend....

I have two questions for the reading audience today. #1 is a poll question.

What is your most hated commercial?
Since I listen to the radio more than television, I would have to say the Ovaltine commercials are the worst. I just cannot stand the whole Ozzie and Harriet approach. I am to the point of changing the station when they come on.

What are your worst favorites?



Question # 2 is an essay question.

I saw Natalie Portman do an interview just recently. She and many other women these days seem to think it is sexy to let their voices be really raspy. They try to talk low and sultry and it comes out sounding like your Aunt Betty who has had a three pack a day habit for the last 40 years.

When did this become sexy? Why do people think its sexy? When Oh When will it ever end?


Gritting my teeth…..

Mysterious ways...

Last week was not my best week. For some reason though, it always seems that something will happen to make things a little better. I had just finished my lunch when my friend Bill showed up with his new motorcycle. Bill and I have known each other for a long time. I even had the pleasure of working with him. I have never known him to be in a bad mood, even at the worst times of his life. People like that are so rare in this age of doom and gloom, so if you know someone like that, latch on to them and don’t let them slip away. Anyway, once you see these pics, you just can’t feel like your day is so bad.
















Bill lost his wife recently. I know he is taking it really hard, but its funny how God will take care of people. Bill saw the ad for this bike in the paper and went to look at the bike. He really liked the side car set up, and remarked to the woman that was selling it that now someone could ride along with him. "Thats good" she replied, because this dog goes with the bike. He loved to ride it with my husband. Now that my husband is gone, I cant take care of the dog. So, no dog, no bike was the deal. My friend Bill is now the proud owner of a Jack Russel terrier named Patches.







Have a great day. I am.

The irony of Monday Morning E mail

I came into work this morning off of what could be called a frustrating weekend. I was going to post the following:

My wife looked at me this weekend and said she felt bad because all I got for my birthday was a card an a couple pairs of pants. Since this was the big Four OH, a milestone for most people, she felt that I should have gotten something more. I took her hands in mind, and gazed into her eyes and told her that the best birthday gift she could have given me was herself, freely, joyously, and without reservation. And I told her that since it was still January, it was not too late.
Her reply? “So what’s for lunch?”

So that along with having a house full of people for way to long, and a lot of other things, has gotten me into a bit of a funk.


When I opened my E mail this morning, I received the following, in this order, unedited:




From Leesa:



Understanding Men
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with acoat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
___________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop thehood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If anotherman shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fixthese things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn'tknow where to start." ___________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soupand take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
___________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
___________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insiston taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice asmuch once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
__________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my handwhile I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding acalculator.....(applies to engineers mainly).
___________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
___________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too. ___________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
___________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?___________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will shareequally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, thecleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest..............like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
___________________________________________________________
This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.............






From Roger:



I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women
differ so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars
thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don'tfeel like it, I just want you to hold me.
"I said "WHAT??!!
What was that?!

"So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,big department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to takeso I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought Iwas one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know howto play tennis.! I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine,honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for meto satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.



From Kent:



One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair,drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.

A neighbor lady from across the street, outraged at this, ran over and shouted at me, "you should be hung!".

I took a long drink from my can of Budweiser, slowly wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray ban Sunglasses and stared directly at this nosey neighbor. And then calmly replied,

"I am." "That's why she cuts the grass".




And from Bekah



The Pending Divorce
The wife comes home early & finds her husband in their master bedroom making love to a beautiful, se-xy young lady!

"You unfaithful, disrespectful pig! What are you doing? How dare you do this to me the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving this house, I want a divorce!

"The husband, replies "Wait, Wait a minute! Before you leave, at least listen to what happened"

"Hummmmm, I don't know. Well it'll be the last thing I will hear from you. But make it fast, you unfaithful pig you

"The husband begins to tell his story.

"While driving home this young lady asks for a ride. I saw her so defenseless that I went ahead and allowed her in my car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She mentioned that she had not eaten for 3 days. With great compassion and hurt, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas that I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll gain weight. The poor thing practically devoured them.

Since she was very dirty I asked her to take a shower. While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw her clothes away. Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans that you have had for a few years, that you can no longer wear because they are too tight on you.

I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you will not wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair.

"The husband continues his story . .

"The young woman was very grateful to me and I walked her to the door.When we got to the door she turned around and with tears coming out of her eyes, she asks me: "Sir, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"

The end of the world as we know it

I decided to treat myself at lunch today and bought a Hershey bar for desert. Just your average, everyday, little brown labeled Hershey bar.

I don’t know why, but I was looking at the wrapper when I went to open it, and I had a vision of the end of human civilization coming. I cannot comment on what I saw, because mere words cannot describe the horror.

What triggered this vision of Doom you asked? How would eating a candy bar cause visions of the Apocalypse? I will tell you. I went to peel the wrapper off my little lunchtime vice, and there on the end of the wrapper, were directions to open the wrapper. Not just “tear here” or “open this end”. These were explicit directions of how to fold the center flap over, and where to hold the candy bar in order to properly open the delicacy.

I could not believe it. How pathetic or dumbed down as a society have we become when we need labels on candy bars?

Next thing you know, there will be warning labels like “Warning, excessive daily consumption will cause unexpected weight gain.” How about “Warning, consumption of chocolate may decrease sex drive in women.”

Perhaps, “Warning, contents not under pressure, and not hot, but be sure to chew carefully so you don’t choke.”

Well, I have to go get ready for the lawsuit I am filing because of the paper cut I got from the wrapper.


Peace

Random musings

My mind is in turmoil today. Its very strange. Yesterday I was in a great mood, although I was tired. Joking around with co workers and getting a lot done. Today is different. I know what part of the problem is. Despite all I do, I cannot run from the fact that the family company is in trouble. IF we don’t get a break soon, and a big one, we will have to close.

Part of me wants to close. I hate the idea of seeing more of my parents money going down the drain. They have worked too hard for it.

Part of me hates to give up. I never quit unless the situation is hopeless and its foolish to go on. In truth it possibly is foolish to go on, but it is still possible, although unlikely to get things back to where they were.

On a personal level, as an estimator, it takes clear thinking and some guts to do what I do. You have to act on instinct and intuition. The fact is, and this is the first time I have said this out loud, I have lost my nerve. I get such feelings of dread when we get close or are awarded a job, because I am so afraid that I have missed something that we will be forced to pay for. That happened last summer to the tune of $40,000. I don’t think I have been the same since. Shouldn't you feel happy when you are successful? or at least releived?


There are a lot of times when I just want to go somewhere and let someone else be the boss, let someone else worry if we have the money to open next week. This is really hard.

I realize that there are people with far worse problems than this….

Appetizer

Diamond eyes
That burn me and turn me to stone
Crystalise
And freeze me in clear monochrome

Turn me to stone;
do anything you want with me
Turn me to stone;
do anything you want

Stereotomy
We can make it together
Do anything you want with me
Do anything you want

Scarlet minds
Possess me and I feel no shame
Silent knives
Dissect me and I feel no pain

Stereotomy
We can make it together
Do anything you want with me
Do anything you want
Stereotomy
We can make it forever
Do anything you want with me
Do anything you want

Starlight beams
Project me in red blue and green
Velvet dreams
Protect me when I hit the screen

Stereotomy
We can make it together
Do anything you want with me,
do anything you want

Stereotomy
We can make it forever
It's always the same,
it's always the same

Stereotomy,
we can make it
We can make it,
do anything you want

Turn me to stone
Do anything you want with me
Cover my eyes
There's nothing more they need to see

Turn me to stone
Before there's nothing left of me
Make me a rock
And not what I appear to be

Turn me to stone
Turn me to stone

There are a lot of things on my mind today, and I will talk about them as time permits.
The lyrics above are from a group called The Alan Parsons Project.
Much of thier music had a great influence upon me and still does. These lyrics pretty adequately reflect my mood. Read into them what you will....

Ode to Summer Time Thrills

I love to look at Rollercoasters














They show how engineering meets entertainment























The curves and the steel merge art and speed and fire and wind














This coaster lives at Cedar Point, in Sandusky Ohio. The view of the frozen lake from the top of this coaster is particularly breathtaking, merging the cold of winter with the memory of the heat of summer.

Close your eyes, and you can hear the scream of the thrill seekers as they crest the hill and hurtle towards the earth.

If I am not mistaken, this is now one of the tallest coasters in the world, a feat of engineering and design that is waiting for the next, bigger and faster thrill machine.

There is, however, no chance of me ever riding this peice of artwork.

I have enough thrills in my life to want to soil my pants for all to see.

I am going to be in sooooo much trouble for this

A redhead named Leesa loves beer
Its Heiniken or nothing I hear
She is so beer jaded,
she can't be persuaded,
to stray from her brew, so dear

With humor I haltingly try
to bring a glint to her eye
a guffaw or a hoot,
and a chuckle to boot,
I'll crack her up, do or die.

My timing was bad on one trip,
when she was starting to sip,
that nectar so cold,
I thought I'd be bold,
and some some silliness I would let slip

There was a long pause on IM
had my silliness cost me a friend?
I sat there in fear,
had she choked on her beer?
or did my joking offend?

Instead, it seems that my prose
had forced beer into her nose
with a tear in her eye
she could not reply,
And thats how the story goes

A running joke now I have started
that will continue though we are parted
this limerick begins
a litany of sins,







(ooo can you guess what the last line is?)

I will take suggestions--- if anything comes in that is better than mine, I will post

Double Dog Dare

so last night I was looking for pics of people with milk coming out their noses. You remember that, when you were at lunch in grade school and and somebody whispered, "Mrs. Jones eats boogers." It happened before you knew it, milk came from your mouth and out your nose. I have a friend, who naturally is a bit older since I don't hang out with grade school kids since the court order. Anyway, it is my goal in life to make beer come out of her nose.

There are many reasons for this. First of all, the whole notion is damn funny. Secondly, it will make her sneeze at least 25 times, which is funnier yet. Third of all, she drinks Heinywimp beer for God sakes. I can't think of a better fate for that stuff. Wait. Yes I can. Pour it in the toilet and save the middle man.

So ANYWAY...ahem. I am looking for this pic, or better yet a video.

Do you know what kind of things you can find on the internet when you ask the wrong question? or ask the right question the wrong way?

I stumbled on to this site last night. It was very educational. I learned a lot. I know I know you are dying to hear what I learned.

1. Skateboards should be considered too dangerous a form of transportation for anyone to use other than trained stunt men with full padded suits on. I saw more broken bones, smashed faces and crushed testicles last night than I did through four years of watching high school football

2. All girls that go to these spring break parties are budding porn stars that can't wait to have wet tshirt parties and tongue kiss their girlfriends while a bunch of drunk guys cheer

3. I learned that trampolines cause cat fights ( translated, red neck trailer trash women). There must have been a dozen cat fight videos. Each more viscous than the last. Actually they were kind of funny because thier boyfriends were smart enough to stay out of the way. But anyway, there was always a trampoline in the background. The other funny part was that as these banshees were tearing out their hair, bloodying their faces, and kicking each other in the crotch, their toothless, illiterate old men are watching thinking that they are gonna get a peice of that ass later on. Morons.

I also learned that people can make beer come out of a whole bunch of different orifices. All I wanted was one coming out their nose. I really didnt want to see that other stuff.

There is another reason though for me wanting to find this video. I wanted to make a public service announcement to try and talk people out of the whole thing. Especially women. See, I have heard that if a woman sneezes enough times in a row, it satisfies her sex drive for the next month. If people learn about this there will be too many women reverse snorting beer, and their boyfriends are gonna want someone to take it out on, and it aint gonna be me.

But anyway, since Leesa double dog and one moose dared me to write something about her drinking problem, I will post this and hope that she will still talk to me tomorrow.

I have to admit though, there is something to be said about a beer you can call hiney.....

Peace

While we are on the subject of Tequilla

Subject: Fw: Tequila



A Guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the
counter, and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks.

"What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all
the money."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?"

"Pay first, those are the rules." says the bartender.
So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.

"OK." The bartender says. "Here's what you need to do:

First: You have to drink that entire fifth of pepper tequila, the whole thing, all at once...and you can't make a face while doing it.

Second: There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.

Third: There's a 90-year old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've got to make things right for her."

The man is stunned. "I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot!
I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a fifth of pepper tequila, and then do those other things..."

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."

As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, "Where ez zat tequila?" He grabs the fifth with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't
make a face. Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained up and soon the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit
bull yelping and then....silence. Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says, "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?"

Another Gem from Roger

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila.

Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.

Tequila can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Tequila almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, (well shyness anyway) and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila.

Tequila may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

Tequila.

Leave Shyness Behind.

Decisions decisions

I guess it’s a good problem to have, but I have been invited to get together with a new quartet to see how we sound. This is kind of an informal audition. Of the three other members, I know the lead very well, the bari sorta well, and the tenor, I know his name and face. The lead has been in loads of quartets and has been ranked very highly in the district. The tenor has gobs of potential and I have heard people remark that he has international potential. The bari comes from a long line of barbershoppers, so if breeding has anything to do with it, he should be strong. He also is singing and the 5th place international chorus, so he should know his stuff.

Here is the dilemma. The lead has the reputation of being a bit of a prima donna and not very coachable. He and my former baritone sang in a quartet together for years, and did very well, but they did not get along all that well. On the plus side, I am very good friends with the leads in- laws, so I would not mind at all a chance to spend more time with them.

I guess it just boils down to how far I will go to sing in a good quartet. At this point, I would say that I am not getting any younger and I can get along with just about anyone.

We meet this Sunday (tentatively). Cross your fingers for me

Peace

Help!

Ok, this is getting silly. My list of blog reads is getting so long that I have to search for specific ones. Does anyone know how to organize favorites alphabetically besides doing it manually?

I am running XP


Peace

View from my office window

There is a railroad track that runs along the side of our building. It is one of the busiest in the state of Ohio because it is the only direct connection that runs from Cincy to Indy to Chicago. We get 10 or 12 trains a day past our office. ( you ought to be back in the restroom when a heavy one comes by blasting the horn), but I digress....

One morning I looked up from my work and noticed a train stopped on the tracks. It was unusual because passagenger trains never stop on the tracks.


The longer I looked at it the more curious I got. I could swear that there was a horse in one of the cars
















So I got up and went outside for a closer look



Thats when I ran back inside to grab the camera!


I walked around the front of the train to see this:



The train had stopped to feed and water the animals. I could not believe what I was seeing.

I watched for a while and then walked up to the side of the car.



I was close enough to touch her, but I figured I had better not

A crowd of us had gathered to look and we stood and watched for almost 30 minutes. The train was about 50 cars long, and the end of it was sitting on a bridge, but as I walked along, a person came out and asked me where they were. I thought it was kind of sad that they were travelling so much that they had no idea where they were. Anyway, pretty soon, they closed all the doors and went on their way.

I don't think I will be running away to the circus any time soon

Peace

Troubador's Birthday

I had the perfect Birthday present last night. All of the well wishes were nice, and dinner was of course appreciated. But the best present was the one I got that was unexpected. I met my family at Applebee’s after work, they had set up court in one of the corner booths with the rounded bench seats. I said hello to everyone, except my daughter (9yrs old), who had her nose buried in a book.

Why, you ask, is this significant? It is significant because for the past two years, getting my daughter to ready anything on her own was like pulling teeth. And there she was, on my birthday, totally engrossed in the Boxcar Children. I was a bookworm as a child and her resistance to reading was really painful to me. You cannot imagine how happy I was.

So last night, after we got home, I sat down on the couch and she read aloud to me, without being pushed, for another half hour.

I am a happy and blessed man

Peace

a little poll question

Ok, so I need some advice. I take it for granted that all of you that read this blog on a regular basis are far above average in intelligence and understand things like decorum and the proper thing to do.

The chorus’ annual banquet was last Saturday. I was given an award. A big award. When I went to get the award, I shook hands with the Chorus president, got my picture and all that, and then I went back to my seat. They didn’t offer me a chance to say thank you, and its probably good that they didn’t cause I was, in a word, overwhelmed.

Should I write a letter to the chorus mailing list? Should I say something at the next rehearsal? Or should I accept this quietly and be gracious about this. I really don’t want to draw anymore attention to myself, but I don’t want to seem ungrateful.

What would you do?

Revenge of the Nerds

My great or not so great adventure with the computer at home got me thinking about what people will spend their money on. The geek that is scheduled to come to my house will be charging $89 for the first hour, and then I will be billed in 15 minute increments.

A mechanic bills $65 an hour. His shop has to be equipped with tools, he must deal with chemicals, both caustic and flammable, he must be insured, he has non reusable stuff like rags, or lubricant, or belt clips, he must have diagnostic equipment, the list goes on. I must have transportation in order to perform my job, and maintain my lifestyle. $65 and hour

A doctor goes to school for eternity. He must have more insurance than the local bank. He has to have a staff. He needs an office, with phones and computers, and lights, and heat, and subscriptions to Women’s Day magazine. He is exposed to all sorts of infectious diseases, and he sees people at their worst. He also is likely to add years to your life, or at least make the years you have go better. $125 per visit, of which I might pay $25 out of pocket.

A plumber is on call 24/7. He will dig up my front yard in the dead of winter if a pipe breaks. He will wade hip deep in raw sewage if he has to. He has a van with an inventory of tools. He needs insurance, workers comp, and must carry a master plumber’s license to work in the city. $50 per hour if it’s during the day.

An electrician is also on call 24/7. He will make sure that the lights light, that the furnace heats, that the garage door goes up and down. He has an inventory of tools; he has served a 5 year apprenticeship. He will climb utility poles in thunderstorms to make sure that the TV will come on in time for Oprah. He will crawl around in attics, and shimmy through crawl spaces to insure that the dishwasher will wash, and the oven will cook. And he deals with something that is invisible, odorless, colorless, but a mistake handling it can maim or kill. $50.

A carpenter must have the most broad knowledge of the skilled trades. He can hang doors, or put shingles on the roof, pour concrete or install crown mould. He makes sure that your basement doesn’t leak, and the roof doesn’t fall in. The walls should be perfectly flat, and the joints in the kitchen cabinets should be tight and stay that way. He keeps you warm, and dry, and makes your house or business or back deck something that is both useful and aesthetically pleasing. A carpenter never finishes learning because the area is so vast. He needs the widest variety of tools, and has the most expendable materials. $40 per hour.

Computer Geek. Drives a Volkswagen. Carries a briefcase that might have a pliers and screwdriver in it. Does not necessarily have a degree. Does not serve an apprenticeship. Spends most of his time watching the computer re load software. $89.00 per hour.

What strikes me as odd is that most people will complain, bargain, or chisel money out of the tradesmen. Most people will avoid seeing a doctor at all costs. People will drive a car until it simply can’t go anymore. All of the people perform essential services. Except the geek. I am calling the geek to my house, making sure that he has all of the software that he needs, giving him a comfortable chair to sit in. Making sure that the dog, the cat, the kids and the wife do not distract him. All so that I can chat and do E mail from the comfort of my den. Is this crazy?

Do we all need to revaluate what are priorities are?

I would bet good money that there is not a single person reading this that would disagree with what I said, and what I am going to do tomorrow.

God help us all. Now, help me find my check book

Peace

The End is Near!

Pair of Webcams received for Christmas Free

My Time to install above webcams Free

My Time to remove software required to
operate above webcams that has crashed my
computer Free

Time spent on the internet and telephonewith friends who might have some idea howto solve this problem Free

Time spent at work retrieving E mail that I can’tget at home Not Free

Cost of Drs. Visit to get scolded over High BloodPressure caused by malfunctioning computer $125.00

Cost of family counseling required due to computer withdrawal $150.00/Visit

Cost of Computer technician to come to my house tomorrow to fix a six year old computer with an outdated OS $89/hour

Getting things back to normal Priceless

Important Zoological Discovery

Proof that marriage exists in the animal kingdom...

Today's news

1. Still no computer. I am being urged to just give up and buy a new machine, and I am caving.....
2. My Great Uncle was the closest I ever had a grandpa. He taught me to fish, and to shoot, and a love of nature. We always thought that we would find him in his boat, or in a field somewhere when God calls him home. Today, the doctor called us and said that its time to move him into a nursing home. He fell for the second time in a month. He is 90 after all, but this is not going to go well

3. I have to work Bingo tonight. Whee.

Peace

just cause I like them

I take lots of digital pictures to help me with my work. Now and then I take some, on purpose or on accident that I actually like .

I thought I would share these with you.
Laura, you would be proud of me...
Peace

from the Mailbag

Attention: IRS
Enclosed is my 2001 tax return & payment. Please take note of the attached article from USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.
Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029). This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the "Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. Might I suggest you the send the above mentioned fund a 1.5 inch screw." (See attached article...HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch phillips head screw.)
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.
Sincerely,
A satisfied taxpayer

If I was stranded on a desert island

I asked Cassidy a long time ago, if she was stranded on a desert island, with only her solar powered CD player for entertainment, what 10 CDS would she take

I figured its time that I put my own list down.

Those of you who have known me for any length of time know that I beleive you can tell a great deal about a person by the music they listen to.

So, see what you can learn from my list.....

1. The First Circle- Pat Metheny Group
2. Bernstein directs Aaron Copland- Fanfare for the Common Man, Appalachian Spring, Rodeo, and Billy the Kid
3. Diamond Rio- One More Day
4. Pink Floyd- Dark Side of the Moon
5. Moody Blues- Days of Futures Past
6. Marquis Barbershop Quartet- Diamond Cuts
7. Jimmy Buffet- Songs You Know by Heart
8. Eagles- Hotel California
9. Alan Parsons Project- I, Robot
10. Styx- Pieces of Eight (cause it was the first one I ever owned)

Peace

All the news that's fit to blog

Three Items today:


1. I went to McDonald's this morning
I went to get a cup of coffee for my father
A $1.80 cup of black decaffeinated coffee

I pulled into the parking lot.
The line at the drive through wrapped all the way around the building
There must have been at least 20 cars in line
I waited.

And I waited


And I waited some more.


After 5 minutes, the line had not moved, and there were another 10 cars behind me

I got irritated and found a parking spot and walked inside.
With that kind of backup, I walked in and expected to see a crime scene, or a flood, or maybe one of the local loonies running amok in the back.

What I saw made me reaffirm the thought that if I was a McDonald's manager, they would have put me up on murder charges in the first three weeks.

There were two people working the counter. Both were women (not that it matters, but I am setting the scene here). One was a large Caucasian woman. Large and a slob, her shirt was half tucked, her hair was greasy etc. Large, slob, and slow. And she thought it was her job to talk to every customer what walked to the counter. She was supposed to be filling cups with ice, and instead she was flirting with the off duty deputy that looked like he was ready to shoot her. She was oblivious to the fact that he had a gun, he knew how to use it, and he was getting more pissed by the moment.

Her partner at the counter, was a black woman. Who had homies
That she needed to talk to. All the while she was supposed to be waiting on customers.

I felt a tantrum building. I was ready to blow my fuse and demand to see the manager, because I had stood there for another 1minuteses waiting for thprivilegege to order a cup of coffee. The manager walked around the corner. She barked at Moisha-Dashonda who was busy talking to her homegirl posse. M-D rolled her eyes and said "I got to be working y'all." Cawl me when y'all get back to ya'll's crib. Henrietta Hippo, the other woman, saw the manager and set to working as fast as her sorry ass could, in other word words she went from a crawl to a flat out plod.

I got to the register before I got a really good look at the manager. She was a black woman. She had painted on eyebrows. She had white eyeliner on, that was as least 1/2" wide. SHE HAD FINGERNAILS THAT WERE SO LONG THAT SHE NEEDED A PENCIL TO WORK THE FREAKING CASH REGISTER!

I got cold chills looking at her. She had gold fingernails. They had racing stripes or some other nonsense. I got my coffee and left. The sad part is, that I know the owner of this franchise. It is in the heart of town, logically it would have the biggest labor pool to choose from. They use this franchise as a training store.

2. I heard an interview with one of the families of the miners that were killed this morning. My heart goes out to those people and what they are going through. I think that the TV producer who picked out the most inarticulate and inconsolable woman of the bunch, stuffed a microphone in her face, and asked her how she was feeling, should be flogged repeatedly.
Her answer was that she was going to sue somebody for getting their hopes up and then breaking their hearts. The lawyer that takes that kind of case, and the judge that allows it to proceed for years need to get in line behind the news man

3. I still have a blind and deaf computer at home. So far two computer geeks cannot come with a good reason for what its doing. One friend is trying to talk me into a new machine. If only I could afford it...

Peace

They're coming to take me away hee hee....

Just an update for those of you playing at home:

1. I am entering the 3rd night of having a crippled computer at home. I worked on it for more that 4 hours last night, being coached by my friend from Boston. No joy. I am beginning to contemplate more drastic measures. I think I am going through withdrawal symptoms.
2. When I did finally make it to bed last night, it was one of those times when my brain just would not slow down, so I was staring at the ceiling at 1:15. I decided to go out into the living room to watch the weather channel and bore myself to sleep. About the time I reached the foot of my bed, I stepped on my poor dog. It was dark but by the way she held her leg, stepped right on the middle of her right foreleg. I was sure I broke it. She is all right, but I was so upset, and startled that I wound up being up for another hour. My wife got to the point of irritation with me and told me “to stop feeling guilty, the dog is fine.” “ She is going to start faking injuries because you have paid so much attention to her,” she said.
3. We are doing work on a 200 year old church. We have scaffolding down one entire side of the church in order to rebuild the gutters that were torn off during an ice storm last year. I got a call this morning from the scaffolding contractor. One of their guys dropped a hand rail that punch a hole through a stain glass window that is basically priceless.


Just another day in paradise….

Stolen from Leesa who stole this from somebody else...

1.What did you do in 2005 that you’d never done before? Sang in a registered quartet

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No. I wanted to spend less time on the computer and more time with my kids. Instead I spend more time with both, and less time sleeping

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No.

5. What countries did you visit? None.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? More optimism.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Sunday November 20. That was the day I finally took my family to Walt Disney World Magic Kingdom.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finding out the nature of my son’s learning disability and making progress with him in coping with it.

9. What was your biggest failure? The family business remains on life support, and I was not able to improve the situation.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes

11. What was the best thing you bought? Disney Tickets

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My son. He has kept a positive attitude through a time that would defeat most adults.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Liberal politicians

14. Where did most of your money go? Disposable income went towards singing and travel. The rest went to, of course, bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My son has started pulling his grades up. Perhaps he has a future in a non labor related field. He wants to build robots instead of drive turcks.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005? Always look on the bright side of life. Monty Python

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? Sadder
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter
c) richer or poorer? richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Spend time outside with my family and my dog

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Staring at the computer through glazed eyes

20. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? Well, it's over now, but I chatted with friends online :), ate some good take out, watched the ball drop, and snoozed.

21. Did you fall in love in 2005? Already there :)

22. How many one-night stands? None.

23. What was your favorite TV program? NYPD Blue reruns and Law and Order SVU

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Hate is a strong word. There are some people who deserve it, but its easier to forgive.

25. What was the best book you read? Harry Potter, Half Blood Prince

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? My son has a better ear than I do, and my daughter is ready for piano lessons

27. What did you want and get? A vacation

28. What did you want and not get? Stability and progress with the family business

29. What was your favorite film of this year? Batman begins was pretty good, but none were outstanding.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 39, It was last January, so I can’t remember.

31.What one thing made your year measurably more satisfying? The progress my son made.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? Utilitarian. Most clothes I wear I can work in.

33. What kept you sane? Define sane. Singing, music, online friends, my family, God.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Hmm...I don’t pay much attention to individuals…..I loved the interview on 60 minutes with Morgan Freeman
Fancy as in hubba-hubba??—They are not new, but Andie McDowel and Liv Tyler are very easy on the eyes.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? My mother is a flaming liberal. Almost to the point that I wonder if she is suffering from some kind of dementia. This woman grew up a very staunch Catholic and conservative. Now she thinks that Michael Moore is a great documentary film maker, and that Hillary Clinton will save the world from the evil conservatives. This bothers me a lot.

36. Who did you miss? Tim and Keith

37. Who was the best new person you met? I got to meet three online friends in person, Thebe, Spud and Angel. That was fabulous. My best new online friends are Leesa and Bekah.

38. The most important thing in my life is the welfare of my family. Everything else is secondary to the point of being irrelevant.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.This one maybe..

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine
staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run,
you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it’s sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you’re older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the english way
The time is gone, the song is over,
thought I’d something more to say
Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
And when I come home cold and tired
It’s good to warm my bones beside the fire
Far away across the field
The tolling of the iron bell
Calls the faithful to their knees
To hear the softly spoken magic spells.



Or perhaps this:

Gaze at the skyAnd picture a memory
Of days in your life.
You knew what it meant to be happy and free
With time on your side...
Remember your daddy
When no one was wiser.
Your ma used to say
That you would go farther than he ever could
With time on your side...
Think of a boy with the stars in his eyes,
Longing to reach them but frightened to try.
Sadly you'd say someday, someday...
But day after day
The show must go on,
And time slipped away
Before you could build any castles in Spain...
The chance had gone by.
With nothing to say
And no one to say it to,
Nothing has changed.
You still got it all to do,
Surely you know.
The chance has gone by...
Think of a boy with the stars in his eyes,
Longing to reach them but frightened to try.
Sadly you'd say someday, someday...
But day after day
The show must go on,
And you gaze at the sky
And picture a memory of days in your life
With time on your side...
With time on your side
Day after day the show must go on...)
With time on your side
Day after day the show must go on...)
With time on your side...

If you can read this, you are tagged.

Starting the new year with a bang (no, not that kind)

I started the New Year off with a bang!

That was the sound of my computer at home crashing. We got webcams for Christmas gifts, and in the process of loading the various softwares to make the whole mess work, I found that ICQ and Trillian and Panda Antivirus don't play nicely together.

To make a long story short, when I gave up and went to bed last night, I am not able to access E mail from either client, I cannot bring up a web page so my computer guru friend can peek inside and help, I can't use trillian ( I don't care if that computer EVER has Icq on it again). I can't even log into Ultima Online and take out my frustrations on some monsters. Basically the computer does not see the cable modem attached to it.

The last time I had cable modem troubles, I was on the phone with tech support for HOURS with somebody in India. Sigh. I don't know how long it will take this time, and I have very little patience for this kind of bullshit anymore.

I will just have to post from here for the foreseeable future, unless the Good Computer Fairy of the Midwest visits my house while I am gone. With my luck the dog will bite him....

Happy New Year anyway