Random musings

My mind is in turmoil today. Its very strange. Yesterday I was in a great mood, although I was tired. Joking around with co workers and getting a lot done. Today is different. I know what part of the problem is. Despite all I do, I cannot run from the fact that the family company is in trouble. IF we don’t get a break soon, and a big one, we will have to close.

Part of me wants to close. I hate the idea of seeing more of my parents money going down the drain. They have worked too hard for it.

Part of me hates to give up. I never quit unless the situation is hopeless and its foolish to go on. In truth it possibly is foolish to go on, but it is still possible, although unlikely to get things back to where they were.

On a personal level, as an estimator, it takes clear thinking and some guts to do what I do. You have to act on instinct and intuition. The fact is, and this is the first time I have said this out loud, I have lost my nerve. I get such feelings of dread when we get close or are awarded a job, because I am so afraid that I have missed something that we will be forced to pay for. That happened last summer to the tune of $40,000. I don’t think I have been the same since. Shouldn't you feel happy when you are successful? or at least releived?


There are a lot of times when I just want to go somewhere and let someone else be the boss, let someone else worry if we have the money to open next week. This is really hard.

I realize that there are people with far worse problems than this….