Patrick Starfish and the Michelin Man
I love and I hate my office. I love it because I got to design it; I love it because it has a lot of desk space, and plenty of file space. It is right next to the bid room and I can see everything that is going on. Which is also why I hate my office. It is right out in the middle of everything. I can’t make private calls. I have to be careful of what is on my computer screen, not that I surf porno or anything, but employees can see financial and payroll stuff if I am not careful.
The worst part though, is that when somebody comes in, and it doesn’t matter who, they all talk to me. Everyone. What’s worse is that someone who comes to see someone else, in the office, or if they are with they person who has business here, they all talk to me too. I am the entertainment I suppose. I didn’t realize how bad the distractions were, until I came in after hours one night to get a project caught up. I got triple the amount of word done that I normally do.
I told you that story to tell you this.
We try to keep a good relationship with all of our employees, past and present. It is not uncommon for Dad to loan a tool or some equipment out to people if we aren’t using them and they ask. One former employee is in here constantly borrowing stuff. He brings his out of work son in law along with him. He also brings his four year old grandson with him. The grandson resembles the Michelin man. He is four years old. He weighs 80 lbs. This child cannot string together an entire sentence without help. So, Grandpa comes into the outer office, Son in law plunks his dead ass into the nearest chair, and Michelin Man (MM) made a bee line into my office. I didn’t look up. MM comes in and stands behind my chair.
“Where’s the candy,” he asked.
“Its all gone,” I said.
Long pause
“Where’s the bubble gum,” he asked.
“Its all gone,” I said. Both statements were true.
Long pause.
I could hear him walking around the office behind me. Over the years my kids have given me little things to decorate my office. Katie gives my drawings; Joe would give me Mini Tonka trucks. MM loves to come into my office.
My latest decoration is Patrick Starfish from Sponge Bob.
****Side Note: I think Sponge Bob is the funniest thing since Tom and Jerry**** I love Patrick. He makes me look smart.
Long silence while MM is taking inventory. About the time my curiosity is getting the better of me, to see what the little shit is doing, he says,” Patrick.”
“Patrick”
I don’t answer. I am busy working. I don’t have time to baby-sit a 4 year old blimp
“Patrick”
I really need to get this quote finished, its due Thursday.
“Patrick”
I need to call the lumber yard to see if they are on schedule
“Patrick”
Ok you little bastard, I will let you play with him, but you have to string together a whole sentence first, and actually ASK for what you want.
“Patrick”
I whip around in my chair and say, “ Why Yes! That is Patrick. What a bright little fellow you are. Your grandpa must be very proud.”
I turn around and get back to work.
There is a long silence behind me, and then I hear things on my side desk being moved. MM has decided to climb up on my desk to reach his pal Patrick. Gritting my teeth, I ignore this until I see out of the corner of my eye, that he is about to tip over my glass of water.
“Would you like to play with Patrick?
Nods
“Well I would have given him to you if you would have asked.”
“Patrick”
Well, I give the child the stuffed starfish and try and get back to work. I didn’t know that Patrick was also an airplane that made airplane noises. And I never realized that Patrick liked to talk to adults, and it never occurred to be that Patrick would want to walk along the edge of my desk….
“Why don’t you go show Patrick to Grandpa?”
That seemed like a good idea so Patrick and MM go into the other office for a while.
When I looked up again, MM did not have Patrick anymore. He was stuffed into a coat pocket.
I got up and retrieved Patrick from the little klepto’s pocket. By that time Grandpa has finished mooching whatever he wanted. Grandpa did stop in to tell me all about his project and what he had been doing. On the way out, he held the jar at the reception desk so that MM could fill his pockets with peppermints.
I need a vacation
Troubador
The worst part though, is that when somebody comes in, and it doesn’t matter who, they all talk to me. Everyone. What’s worse is that someone who comes to see someone else, in the office, or if they are with they person who has business here, they all talk to me too. I am the entertainment I suppose. I didn’t realize how bad the distractions were, until I came in after hours one night to get a project caught up. I got triple the amount of word done that I normally do.
I told you that story to tell you this.
We try to keep a good relationship with all of our employees, past and present. It is not uncommon for Dad to loan a tool or some equipment out to people if we aren’t using them and they ask. One former employee is in here constantly borrowing stuff. He brings his out of work son in law along with him. He also brings his four year old grandson with him. The grandson resembles the Michelin man. He is four years old. He weighs 80 lbs. This child cannot string together an entire sentence without help. So, Grandpa comes into the outer office, Son in law plunks his dead ass into the nearest chair, and Michelin Man (MM) made a bee line into my office. I didn’t look up. MM comes in and stands behind my chair.
“Where’s the candy,” he asked.
“Its all gone,” I said.
Long pause
“Where’s the bubble gum,” he asked.
“Its all gone,” I said. Both statements were true.
Long pause.
I could hear him walking around the office behind me. Over the years my kids have given me little things to decorate my office. Katie gives my drawings; Joe would give me Mini Tonka trucks. MM loves to come into my office.
My latest decoration is Patrick Starfish from Sponge Bob.
****Side Note: I think Sponge Bob is the funniest thing since Tom and Jerry**** I love Patrick. He makes me look smart.
Long silence while MM is taking inventory. About the time my curiosity is getting the better of me, to see what the little shit is doing, he says,” Patrick.”
“Patrick”
I don’t answer. I am busy working. I don’t have time to baby-sit a 4 year old blimp
“Patrick”
I really need to get this quote finished, its due Thursday.
“Patrick”
I need to call the lumber yard to see if they are on schedule
“Patrick”
Ok you little bastard, I will let you play with him, but you have to string together a whole sentence first, and actually ASK for what you want.
“Patrick”
I whip around in my chair and say, “ Why Yes! That is Patrick. What a bright little fellow you are. Your grandpa must be very proud.”
I turn around and get back to work.
There is a long silence behind me, and then I hear things on my side desk being moved. MM has decided to climb up on my desk to reach his pal Patrick. Gritting my teeth, I ignore this until I see out of the corner of my eye, that he is about to tip over my glass of water.
“Would you like to play with Patrick?
Nods
“Well I would have given him to you if you would have asked.”
“Patrick”
Well, I give the child the stuffed starfish and try and get back to work. I didn’t know that Patrick was also an airplane that made airplane noises. And I never realized that Patrick liked to talk to adults, and it never occurred to be that Patrick would want to walk along the edge of my desk….
“Why don’t you go show Patrick to Grandpa?”
That seemed like a good idea so Patrick and MM go into the other office for a while.
When I looked up again, MM did not have Patrick anymore. He was stuffed into a coat pocket.
I got up and retrieved Patrick from the little klepto’s pocket. By that time Grandpa has finished mooching whatever he wanted. Grandpa did stop in to tell me all about his project and what he had been doing. On the way out, he held the jar at the reception desk so that MM could fill his pockets with peppermints.
I need a vacation
Troubador
posted by Troubador @ 2:25 PM
2 Comments:
At 5:32 PM ,
WDKY said...
That was comnpletely hysterical. I love Spongebob too, as it happens.
At 11:44 AM ,
Anonymous said...
The kid is 4 years old and 80 lbs? My 7 year old only weighs 50 lbs. I weighed 80 lbs when I was in the 5th grade.
I fear for the next generation of kids that are being brought up. Fat and stupid is no way to go through life, right?
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